It would have been 3 years today.
Three years ago I was excited (not nervous) and happily anxious to see him down on the beach and show him my dress, say the vows I wrote easily, and start our life together for real. Now he is gone as is the wonderful dog who wore that adorable tux collar that day. He is not a part of my life.
My life is very different than what I pictured that day. The baby we created together is better than I could have imagined: sweet, smart, imaginative, wild and constantly keeping me on my toes.
"It takes a crew to keep up with her," soneone said the other day. I laughed and said "yeah, a crew of one!"
I do not look back with regret. How can I when I feel like we have come so far? I am stronger than I thought I could ever be, and I am a mother to her! She would not be who she is if he were not her dad.
Our wedding date will probably always feel a little odd when it rolls around on the calendar but I am sure the pain will lessen as the years go by. That person is gone-both of them are. I can't speak to who he is but I know who I have become, and she is getting better by the day. Today I will be a mom. And I will keep pushing forward. I will do my job and have coffee and talk to friends and family. It will be just another day, and that's ok.