The point is not a desire to shoot down the idea of marriage. I love marriage as it is supposed to be. Commitment is awesome. Partnership can be wonderful. Mine was neither of those things unfortunately. It was ugly and sad and left me with lots of emotional scars.
My "no matter what" just looks a little different. No matter what I tried, this marriage was not going to heal because one person can't fix what has been broken. That takes major work from both parties. When I reached my threshold for emotional trauma, the person I said "i do" to and the person I now knew were very different people. I absolutely changed into "I don't" at that point out of self-preservation and a need to take care of my daughter.
Now here we are. I've had a hard time with some of my new adjectives, mainly single and single mom. But you want to know something, I really like sleeping alone. So there are perks. My nights are my own again-I can read or watch tv or work and then go to bed when I want to. That part is pretty awesome. The quiet used to bug me but now I see it as peaceful.
Divorce was never something I wanted, but there is beauty in the midst of the ugliness of a damaged relationship's inevitable end. There is hope for the future. I am feeling happy and strong.
And I will do anything that I need to do to keep Cameron and myself safe. No matter what.