When I said that the voice in my head was saying "these are not real issues!" when friends were sharing, that does not in any way mean that I believe that to be true. Don't we all have to suppress ugly thoughts sometimes? Which I believe I said...in that same blog entry. Is it difficult to be supportive of others from lack of energy? Yes, absolutely. When there are massive intense dramatic things happening for Cam and I, is it complicated and seemingly impossible to muster the effort to support a friend venting about their child having a cold and it being "the worst day of their life"? Sometimes. Just doing that thing I do again--being honest and letting you into my brain. But I do it! I DO support my friends. I do try to make time to talk to them about the things that are happening in their lives. And like I said in that blog, I do want to validate their thoughts and feelings. I merely said it was a struggle that I was dealing with and also that I hated that lack of empathy impulse that I was fighting. What it comes down to in this situation is this: Look at what I do, not what I say. Isn't that better than, Do as I say; not as I do? Bear one another's burdens means living life together. As I said to a friend recently, I do not expect my friends to crawl down in the crud with me...just say hi every once in awhile while we're trying to get out of it.
Stress comes in different forms. I remember quite a few years ago in LA when I was really strapped financially. Because of a car accident that happened, my insurance skyrocketed (I was under 25 at the time) to $324/month. That plus $800/month in rent and my only consistent job working at Starbucks meant life got pretty...interesting. One day I worked five different jobs. I wore my barista hat in the morning, dropped off a neighbor's dry-cleaning when I was done and ran a couple more errands for her, walked another neighbor's dog, babysat for 3 hours in the afternoon, and organized a closet for another friend in the evening. The next day after working in the morning from 5:15-noon I spent the afternoon running lines with an actress friend. We then went to her audition together so I could keep her calm. Afterwards when she felt the audition didn't go as well as she'd hoped, we went shopping and she bought herself a really expensive piece of jewelry to feel better. Was it tough for me to watch her drop that cash when she was paying me $10/hr to basically hang out with her? Uh, ya. But we were just living in different worlds at that time. She was most certainly entitled to buy the jewelry--her earnings, her choice on how to spend them! It is all in perspective.
As I've said before, I do not EVER want any of my friends or family to experience what this last 2 years has been. I feel badly that my healing process has come off as selfishness or me being self-focused. It breaks my heart to hear that. The journey of healing can be a lonely road. You scream from the rooftops that you're desperate for someone to talk to and get *crickets back, and that affects you. My dad said that when he went to rehab and in talking to others with addiction he discovered they all had something in common: they all thought no one else could possibly understand what they felt and when they started to share, they all realized that they did in fact understand each other because they had been there too! This is why support groups exist.
With our life being displaced, my community is all over. I don't have the option to meet up with my friends and talk. I take what I can get. It has been incredible to me how this has actually helped me to reconnect with some friends from the past and how it has disconnected me from those who I thought were part of my present. But the focus right now is on the future, not the past or even the present some days. And as far as the misunderstandings go, if I can encourage anyone in any way, if something someone says bothers you...tell them! Don't wait for 6 weeks to let the anger build up when they have absolutely no idea you are upset. Seemingly small issues can become friendship enders when they fester.
I have a very hard time disconnecting from others. I both blame and credit Taylor University for that. We were told constantly how important it was to have intentional relationships. But they were right. I just wasn't wired for shallow..."there will be a pom-pom game in the deep end after break", and that's where I'll be if anyone wants to join me!